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Thursday, December 7, 2023

It's been so long since I updated this blog - very indicative of the kind of year it's been. I always read back on the last update and cringe a little bit at why I felt the need to say what I said in the way I said it. Does that mean I'm growing? I do feel that. BUT yeah, I kind of burnt out at the start of the year and needed to step out from what had become a vortex of creative activities. In the vortex I couldn't really tell what I actually enjoyed doing and what felt like various means to ends. And all the while I felt guilt and pressure for spending my time in the vortex rather than with my loved ones in their times of need. And it turned out to be the right decision; we've all gotten through some stuff and I've naturally found my inspiration returning at the end of the year. It makes me really hopeful that next year I'll be in an altogether better state of being to make good art and try to be a good person.

I've added some new equipment and materials to my arsenal, which has locked some stray puzzle pieces into place for my creative process; this has unlocked many new ideas for artworks somehow. Don't know what is psychologically going on there but it's very interesting to me.

Friday, March 10, 2023

Holy crap I can think and talk a lot. I spend probably every waking minute daydreaming to some degree, and I've begrudgingly accepted that this helps me with art, but God does it hinder other areas of life sometimes. But as much as I get tired of hearing my own inner or actual voice sometimes, it's like an annoying sibling or best friend to me: there is unconditional love there, and humour. I have to throw my hands up and laugh because the older I get the more I feel that this is who I am to the marrow of my bones, which is placating. There's no struggle inside when you know who you are and that life is really short.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

During the last two weeks I’ve had a bit of a profound experience in between doing my usual work. I’ve been going back through an old email account that I used during my uni years. The day I logged back in, I found an email that said the account would be closed due to inactivity on that day, which made it feel that much more profound and pre-destined. In finding these old emails, I’ve been able to revisit a period of my life which I consider to be a kind of descent into madness. I found photos I thought I’d lost forever (because I deleted them) of me progressively looking more like a head on a stick, obscuring my face and applying more grain and filters, interspersed with the most histrionic appeals for assignment extensions and receipts for retail and cosmetic snake oil splurges. And it was everything going on behind the emails that was most concerning. I was obsessed with being "broken". I made two collections about it xD. Of course it only takes hindsight now to realise I was just growing up, chronically online and gorging on ideologies centered on maximising your victimhood. What a waste! Now I can thankfully say idgaf. This has been a perfectly-timed spark for a fire I’ve been hoping would start in me, a fire of courage and indignation to do things I thought I couldn’t do before.

Thursday, February 9, 2023

Many things to report, how to pick? Stream of consciousness. I've been feeling very light-headed the last couple of days and food is making no difference, so I'm getting a blood test tomorrow to see if anaemia has returned. I've been feeling globally really healthy for quite a while so this is a bit of a surprise and concern. But my spirits are high and optimistic despite self-actualising which has brought a lot of challenges. I have been eager to face them, except there are some really tough ones that have huge consequences. I inch towards getting through it all, until I'm faced with the new crop of challenges. I find idgaf about making art in any other way than when I'm propelled to do it. I really feel the art is my own personal communion with any spiritual force behind the universe. I think I could even live with having just communed with it and visualised and not even physically completing it, because essentially the important part for me is already done at that point. Except the fun of making it is way too strong for it not to be made in the end. Art is a private focus for me now I guess, I don't want to make it my occupation. I like making a distinction between occupational work and life work and just not working at all. I like working too. I like making money by helping someone else's venture, I think it's humbling. And then making money from your own venture gives you personal responsibility. I have never felt better about myself than I do right now. Being loved is a panacea. I don't feel like a desperado anymore :')

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Doing a big shop update today with all the new bags I've made recently :D

Friday, November 11, 2022

My EP is out today!!! Bright is the Light indeed. The final song I was working on didn't make the cut in the end, I couldn't crack it and ran out of time. But i'm actually glad it's not on there becaause I think the four songs are great together and I really like how the title track ends the EP. The straggler is going to be the final track on the NEXT EP, which is going to be a sequel or sister to this current one. Thank you to any listeners reading this, I really appreciate it. I'm serious about music!

Sunday, October 9, 2022

The T-Mail pouches are up for sale! I love them, they are like the perfect size for a little pouch in my opinion. I put out a new song the other day and I love that one too, it's very sappy. Just need to record one more song and the EP will be finished, just finding myself putting it off because I need to sing really loudly and I don't want to have the neighbours hear me do vocal takes lol. I've had such a busy year actually. And the mind keeps surprising me. I feel like I know myself more than ever, but not in a navel-gazing way as in the past but in a kind of unconscious way, like a silent knowing, or like I'm not studying myself from head to toe, I just know what is up. Not to say that there's not intense confusion too

Monday, September 19, 2022

It's so funny how dramatic I can be (referring to previous thought). But I'm happy I put these up on a whim because it's honest, and shows that at heart I'm annoying and love writing. I finished a new song and decided to just go with the original EP idea I had, just feeling a bit lazy in regards to the cover art but I know what must be done lol. The sun and heat is back and I had the most fun I've had in so long at karaoke the other night, my first time doing it in front of strangers. But the bartender said "do it, we're all family here" and that sealed the deal for me. I was already planning to do it though. I've enjoyed doing things that scare me lately. Right now I'm on a mission to be honest (to be myself) and to leave room for honesty (other people being themselves) around me, and so far it has made life better

Monday, August 1, 2022

Remind me to never be so flippant about the internet and creating accounts again. I want out. I'm sifting through years of old email crap and passwords and photos and documents I haven't seen or thought about for years but I can't just delete everything because I'm too sentimental. And I can't do anything impulsive because I've told myself not to, because I knew I would try to. In similar circumstances I've just erased the lot in one fell swoop and always come to regret it. I was too lazy to reckon with everything I've amassed, but so at risk of deleting as an escape. The rush of "decluttering" is always temporary, and something I've fallen for countless times. I don't want to have to give an email, password, home address and phone number to buy a pizza. And I don't want to have to keep uploading my little images. I don't like the format. I don't want to resist the future. But I know what feels wrong in my soul. I feel like this can't wait. I'm going to sift, and then I'm going to unimpulsively change things, I'm not going to feel a rush and I'm going to feel the same and be faced with the same reality, and I'm not going to attempt another escape. The monkey doesn't care where he leaves his fruit skins and poo and footprints and broken twigs, he just keeps going and the decomposers clean up after him and nourish themselves. Even a thought or a conversation is cleaned up by lost memory. But this kind of detritus doesn't get decomposed, it needs to be manually destroyed to be truly gone. I'm just realising this is the "digital footprint" people talk about. I can't get to the end of this thought so that's all for now.

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

I'm updating the site so I'm checking in here. Birthday was one for the record books, I feel so blessed. I've been wanting to put out this song in July but I haven't been able to think of good lyrics until now, I finally got them over the last 2 days. It seems like usually everything I'm proud of that I do I just have to wait for. My gut reaction against things is getting stronger and stronger and vice versa, which is awesome. I'm feeling really connected at the moment. I'm starting the biz up and I love the first product I've designed, getting the logistical aspects together has been horrifying but I think I've done it now. The frog is still outside, but when it's really cold he doesn't croak at all and I always get scared he won't come back. It's been so busy this year and it seems like people are starting to feel the crunch a bit, I'm surprised that I've managed to stay relatively normal.

Friday, June 3, 2022

I was one day off with my last announcement about Water Tiger year, oops. We know have one Striped Marsh Frog permanently living in our garden, he croaks all night long and sometimes you hear him during the day. He has been here for months and he just keeps croaking. I love it, i think it's so adorable. Recently, after months of being on his own, we heard at least two more of his kind croaking for two nights in his garden spot. They seem to have gone but I hope they come back, I hope they're okay. There's a cat that runs around here at night. I wonder where they go. Having them there makes me so happy. I've decided to try make an album instead of an EP this year, I have enough songs and I want to do them all justice by putting them out together. I also don't want to come back to old songs when I start making the next album, which I have a very concrete idea of and 9 demoes for already. We're doing a show in July, I'm also formally launching my creative enterprise in July. My bday is in July. My bro is visiting in July! I hope it goes well. Such an exciting year ahead!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Year of the Water Tiger starts today. Yesterday we went swimming at this local spot and as we got to the water a storm rolled in, banging and growling. I thought it sounded like the spirit of the tiger announcing its arrival. The lightning was flickering in the forest and I started freaking out thinking we were going to be struck by a giant bolt, but I let go of the fear, thinking about the courage and rebellion of the tiger, and got to enjoy the experience of swimming in a storm with just people I love. It passed with a blue sky rolling back over us and summer sun beaming down making everything sparkle and all the colours around us look so vivid. I couldn't believe how lucky we were to have those couple of hours turn out so well. Today there was another storm and we played in the heavy rain, the lucky feeling keeps growing. I also feel my mindstate shifting to allow more of the tiger to grow 🐅 🐾

Thursday, January 27, 2022

How has it already been two weeks since my last post here? It's going to be another fast year isn't it -_- This morning I "set an intention" that today I would do something I've been putting off, I haven't done it yet but I hope when I do it I keep it doing more of it because I put x10 more stuff off than I put on. Like when I said in my last post that I thought she was ready to launch...she was ready, it was me that wasn't ready - not ready to do something concrete

Thursday, January 13, 2022

I got the day off work today, I think she's ready to launch

Sunday, December 19, 2021

This is my first entry to the homepage. Welcome

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